Knowing what to say to someone after surgery can be challenging even uncomfortable. Recently, I was asked to share my advice in an article for UP JOURNEY. Here are my suggestions along with four more helpful tips from other contributors.

1.  “Listen To Your Surgeon”    

 (Dr. Roy Huynh, BMed, MD, MPH)

Your surgeon has seen many patients like yourself. They know the best way for you to recover, and you should heed their advice. Their decision-making is aimed at accelerating your recovery and preventing post-operative complications. Listen to them and you will recover faster.

2. “Be Good to Yourself and Take the Time You Need to Recover”   

(Lisa Lurie, Survivor & Co-founder, Cancer Be Glammed)

I empathize with the the person recovering and tell them that I understand that surgery is not only physically exhausting but emotionally draining as well. One of the lessons that I have learned from my own experiences is that now is the time to be good to yourself and allow your body to heal. Everyone recovers in their own time, don’t put unrealistic expectations on yourself or compare yourself to others who have had similar surgeries.

3. “Offer Help with Specific Suggestions”

(Debra Porter, Founder, Hearing Out Life Drama)

If you extend the offer of help and they draw a blank, be sure to offer concrete suggestions. For example, “I can bring a meal to your family on Tuesday at 5 pm,” or “I’ll pick up groceries and drop them off on Saturday.”  Be specific about exactly what you can give. Also, be sure that you are communicating with the best person about this. It may be a significant other, friend, or parent that it’s best to offer to, not the person who underwent the procedure.

4. “ Acknowledge Their Pain & Make Them Feel Loved and Understood”

(Nancy Arulraj, Owner All Natural Mothering)

It takes a lot of courage to undergo surgery. Let them know that you understand and show empathy for the trauma they have gone through. Ways to express this is to acknowledge their pain by saying things like, “I understand you must feel awful, but you did the right thing by getting your surgery done.” Or “I am so proud of you for getting through this surgery. It takes a lot of courage and I am glad that you came through this healthy.”

5. “Just Talk, Take Their Mind Off of Things”

(Lisa Bahar, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist)

You can be a great distraction to someone who has undergone surgery. Update them on the lives of their loved ones, tell them a joke or share a funny memory.

For more information and tips like these, read our helpful blogs in our series, “Know & Tell.”