Special occasions and holidays are all about bringing family and friends together. If you are celebrating with someone who is recovering from cancer or in the midst of treatment, it helps to understand their particular needs and wants. Jessica Baladad is a breast cancer survivor and the Founder and Advocate of Feel For Your Life. We asked Jessica if we could share her insider tips and advice to make the holiday’s festive (and less awkward!) for you and the special people in your life. Thanks Jessica!

Jessica’s advice:

“Well, this just got awkward …. 

I’m going to help you avoid thinking that while you’re with family over the next few weeks, especially if someone in your family has cancer. 

1. Cancer patients still have autonomy. If a loved one is at a family dinner, they probably want to be there. If they’re feeling well enough to be present, treat them like everyone else (or in some cases, better). No need to tiptoe around them or treat them like a porcelain doll.  

2. Don’t make comments about how much or how little they’re eating. I remember my first Thanksgiving as a breast cancer patient. The questions about my food portions were derived from family members’ anxiety. “Are you getting enough to eat? Do you feel sick? Do you want more? Do you want something else?” Eating a simple plate of food became performative, and the inquiries created unnecessary pressure. 

3. Don’t shame a cancer patient for their eating choices. The holidays are not a time to tell a cancer patient what will and will not contribute to cancer or cancer growth. Comments such as, “Sugar feeds cancer,” and questions such as, “Should you be eating that?” are unwarranted. 

4. Refrain from giving unsolicited advice. Most people want to be helpers. They want to contribute and feel good about themselves. Helping also gives someone a sense of control when they’re presented with an uncomfortable situation. Though you may mean well when you start to give advice about how to heal/cure someone who has cancer, the patient is under the advisement of their medical teams. So, tell Aunt Betsy to put away the kale and essential oils. 

5. Think before you ask. It’s normal to be curious about one’s diagnosis, and at the same time, a cancer patient may have boundaries around what they’re willing to discuss or answer. A great way to start a conversation is by simply saying, “I’ve been thinking about you. How are you feeling?” Answers may be short, and the subject may be changed. If that’s the case, refrain from inquiring further. 

In each of these situations, you can replace “cancer patient” with any person. As we head into this season, let’s think about how we can contribute to an environment that fosters empathy and respect. The holidays may be triggering for myriad reasons. 

Next week, I’ll cover some boundaries about responding to awkward situations with family, especially Aunt Betsy. “

Learn more about Jessica Baladad’s story and the app that she founded Feel For Your Life. This informative and empowering app promotes breast health advocacy by showing women how to perform self exams, track their changes and set monthly reminders.

For more helpful advice on how to support friends and family coping with cancer, head to Cancerbeglammed.com.